10 Lists of 10 Items for the Last 10 Days of 2010

10 Frequently Asked Holiday Questions

1. Is there sugar in syrup? YES.
2. How many blow-up decorations can I have in the yard and not be considered distasteful or hillbilly? HAS TO BE MORE THAN 25 WITH NO REPEATS.
3. How do you handle awkward carolers with whom you wish to avoid eye contact? IF YOU ARE ALONE, QUIETLY CRY WHILE YOU WALK BY THEM.  IF YOU HAVE COMPANY, TAKE A REALLY LONG DETOUR TO AVOID WALKING DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF THEM.
4. What events of the year are worthy of a holiday newsletter? DEATH OF PETS, NEARLY SPECIFIC BUT STILL VAGUE ECONOMIC SITUATION, AWARDS YOU AND A MILLION OTHER AMERICANS WON, CELEBRITY BREAK-UPS THAT SURPRISED YOU THE MOST, WHY YOU VOTED BOB BENNETT AT THE STATE CONVENTION.
5. How can I send a mass holiday greeting by text that will read as personal? YOU CAN'T. 
6. What is a clever, but thoughtful, Christmas Facebook status? VERY RARE THAT THIS CAN BE DONE.  THERE IS ONLY ONE PERSON PREDICTED CAPABLE OF ACCOMPLISHING THIS.
7. What do I have to look forward to come January 2nd? NOTHING.  UNLESS YOU ENJOY THE PAIN OF FAILING NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS.
8. Which movie must be included in a holiday rotation? PRANCER.  THAT LITTLE GIRL HAS MORE FAITH IN THAT REINDEER THAN I HAVE IN A DOZEN HUMANS.
9. Who is your favorite reindeer? GLITTER...THE QUESTION DIDN'T SPECIFY IT HAD TO BE A FAMOUS REINDEER.
10. Can a lifelong apprehension towards a man in a Santa suit be overcome? NO.  IT'S NOT WORTH THE EFFORT AND AWKWARDNESS OF TRYING TO ACTUALLY DO THIS.