Sunday, May 31, 2009

U.S. Postal Service

My next blog post will not be available on the web, world wide. It will be mailed directly to anyone who wishes to receive it. Please email me at joey.hansen@gmail.com with your physical address. You will receive a personal blog post via the U.S. Postal Service. Anyone can have one. If you want, you can tell me what you want the post to be about. No guarantees.

I'm doing this because:
a. Mail is fun to get in the mail box and,
2. it's an effort to do less on the computer.

Thus concludes my www blog and the 4,000th (or something) year of the reign of the judges. .....until July 2009.

Monday, May 25, 2009

San Diego - Part IV

the animals

I don't know who they think they are. Do they feel like celebrities or like captives? I'm not sure they feel like they owe me anything even though I paid to come see their fur faces. For example,


Is this monkey so depressed he can't smile at us one time? It's not just the monkey who has no regard for the public. For example,


This bear did next to nothing. She and the brother polar bear were supposed to be the highlight of the zoo, so we waited. Let me tell you, she did something alright. Right in front of our faces. It was ridiculous.

Then, there was false advertising.


These guys were in a glass trap. Not only couldn't I touch them, I had to ride a moving sidewalk right passed them. Fortunately, we found a bench to sit on. Unfortunately, there were no macaroni penguins and this was not the "Penguin Encounter" the sign had prepared me for.

Last, and no where near the least, the whales!



I have so many questions.
1. how the heck do you train a killer whale?
2. how do you teach it not to kill you?
3. how do you dare be the first person to stand on its snout?
4. how do they all know to line up together?
5. how do they know when it's their turn to do tricks?
6. how do you teach it to splash the crowd?
7. how do you teach it to hug?
8. do they feel like celebrities?
9. how much does a trainer get paid?
10. if they are returned to the ocean are they going to be treated like kids who were home-schooled and now they came to regular school?

Please help me.

Friday, May 22, 2009

San Diego - Part III

Old Men Friends

1. On our way to La Jolla, we followed a really old, really slow Ford. Turns out the driver led us straight to the temple parking lot. The old man said good morning as he walked by. I met him again inside the temple. I figured I would never forget him because of his thick blonde toupee. Then.... two days later we were on a MTS bus and he got on! He was pretty nice. I wish I could have talked to him more but I had to get on a different trolley.


2. On an MTS bus to Balboa Park, we met a man who offered to show us how to get to organ concert. Sprekles Pavillion has the largest outdoor organ and every week the Civic Organist does a concert. It was kind of a long walk to the pavillion. He told us all about the history of the organ. My guess is that he's a regular there because as soon as we arrived he had people to see and a certain place to sit. I liked talking to him a lot. I think we're friends.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

San Diego - Part II

the peacock


When we (the sisters and me) got to the zoo we had to eat right away! I'm not sure how long we went without eating but it was too long. Straightaway, we went to the local zoo cafe for lunch. There were no lids or straws available. Apparently, those are weapons to be used against defenseless, wild animals. Within 20 minutes of our admission to the San Diego Zoo, we had been told 36 times about things we could not do due to the safety of the animals. Are you kidding me? I can't have a lid?

Anyway, we sat down to eat our lunch. It was amusing to watch what went on around us. In fact, this one peacock approached us from the roof of a nearby shelter. It walked through the outdoor dining area. Funny, right? Yes. Indeed, it was. It was funny until this peacock tried to coerce us into giving him our lunch! Who does he think he is? I can't have anything to make my visit more comfortable and convenient but I can be bullied by some peacock!?!

We didn't cave. We each retained possession of our own meals. It was touch and go for a minute or two because that bird was intimidating. The real question is: how many people have lost the battle of wits with that peacock?

p.s. during the 2-decker bus tour someone spilled their coke all over my leg. the zoo maintains their opinion that lids are only an unsafe, unnecessary luxury. my sticky leg does not agree.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

San Diego - Part I

Let's begin.... We'll start with the drinks....

One of my favorite parts of eating out is the beverage. I'm not big into entrees but I always like to get a drink. My favorites are as follows:

1. Strawberry Lemonade with sugar on the rim
B. Shirley Temple
3. Diet Coke from a fountain

The following depiction is a dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. Anne and I ordered our favorite drinks. Anne's favorite is a pina colada. Wendy's favorite is not water. I don't know why she didn't choose something better.



Tuesday, May 12, 2009

SHARI!!!!!! I NEED YOU!!!!

I would like to both celebrate and commemorate your recent university graduation. More specifically, I would like for you to recreate this dish. Even more, I would like you to teach me to recreate this dish. You've heard the saying, "Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, feed him for a lifetime." You've heard that, right? I need you to feed me this very specific dish for my whole lifetime. I know you can do it. Remember the Oreo cheesecake I had in Chicago and then the next morning there was a ginormous and more delicious Oreo cheesecake in the fridge? I need that to happen again.... macaroni style.

1. We'll start by eating this dish together. Yes, together.
B. I'll give you a little time to decide how to duplicate it.
3. We'll create this dish together. Yes, together again.
4. We'll ask for everyone to show some respect and ignore how often I do or could eat this.
E. We'll ask for everyone to encourage me to eat it more often. ie: Joey calls. She says, "I just can't think of what to eat." Or she says, "I'm soooo hungry!" On the other end of the line she hears, "I think you should eat your special chicken and macaroni."

I know you've got these skills, Shari. If anyone can do this for me, it's you. Please call me to determine the date and time of these proceedings. Thank you.

Love your most loyal fan of your hockey and cooking (even if I don't eat much of it),

Joey

Sunday, May 10, 2009

suprisingly, i didn't dislike Wendover

Anne and I went to see the Trace Adkins concert in Wendover last Friday. To keep ourselves from making the scenic drive home in the dark, we decided to spend the night. I wasn't sure I would be interested in anything more than the concert. I was wrong. other items I was interested in: - the 430% return I got from Anne's pennies in the penny slots - the amount of snacks we took with us - the tree sculpture that comes out of no where - the Trace Adkins concert!!! - the size of the concert hall - the free drinks brought straight to your face so there is no distractions from gambling - the 200% return on a game I've never played before - the free dinner - that no one knew I wore the same clothes in the morning (I wasn't going to smell up anymore of my clothes) - singing in the car - the company (Anne. Not the fellow Wendoverans.) - the free drinks - the dealers were slightly interesting - the age of the women who were trying to get a piece of Trace - the bald man who also ran for Trace. Actually, I was there only for the concert. Everything else was a suprising bonus.
video

Monday, May 04, 2009

i heart jon schmidt

Saturday, May 02, 2009

photo shoot




This was a difficult shoot. Contrary to popular belief, it's hard to frame a shot before the snails get away.




The story: I went out to get the mail and met one of these little guys along the way. At first, I thought I should go in and get the salt, like my mom taught me. But on further inspection, I discovered 38 snails making a trek from the bushes to the grass. There were a few grandpa ones and there were these littlest tiny snail that my fingers could barely pick them up. After a quick photo shoot, being caught in a lie by a door-to-door salesman, and throwing all the snails into the grass, I finally got the mail.