Thursday, April 24, 2008

From: An Honest Niece

Based on Joey's honest co-worker, I would like to reiterate some highlights from her honest niece about why she doesn't have a boyfriend.

* Girls who don't have boyfriends aren't pretty enough.

* I don't like aunties to have boyfriends.

* You should play adult games with them.

* You get a boyfriend when you have a baby in your tummy. He becomes the daddy.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

From: An Honest Employee

Reasons you won't get married:

  1. controlling
  2. would have to balance the checkbook
  3. anger issues
  4. issues with working nicely with others
  5. mean to everybody
  6. can't keep a fish alive for 6 months
  7. drugs pets (who knows what you would do to your significant other)
  8. work at DI
  9. bitter towards everybody
  10. won't take the first step....talking to men!
  11. people get scared off when you say "I'm a job coach at DI"
  12. bad short-term memory
  13. no regard for life - animal or otherwise

I got this letter at work today - addressed to "A Very Bitter Job Coach" from: "An Honest Employee." A small group of high school boys have some sort of problem with my age and marital status. They are too young (too dumb) to know any better. My only concern, I guess, is how quickly one of them put this list together.

Pretty funny, right? Right?

Friday, April 18, 2008

Another Unfortunate Loss.....

It has been 3 days since my poor "Buddy" passed on. It was a peaceful evening. It's such a load off of me to not see him suffer anymore. He had lost all strength and his power against the filter. I had to do something for my dear, dear friend. Buddy died in his sleep.....a deep sleep.
I have decided against posting the exact details of his death but they are available upon request.

Lesson Learned - Benadryl doesn't just put me to sleep.

Friday, April 11, 2008

An Unexpected Visitor

On my arrival home, late last night, I found a most unexpected new friend in my flower bed. Who is he, you ask? I don't know. What the crap? My mind raced with quesions, similar to the questions now swirling in your own mind.
1. Is he here by mistake? Misdirected? An error of judgment?
2. Why did Kayli buy this?
3. Did Jon leave it for Kayli? (He's more of a flower kind of guy)
4. Is it for me?
5. Was it Katherine?
6. Do I have a secret admirerer? (please, let it be this one)
7. Is it dead? (asked by the little girl next door)
8. How do you start asking around for clues of the flamingo sender?
9. Will there be a note somewhere?
Please, be at ease. After 27 full minutes of confusion and anxiety, the mystery was solved. The sender made him/herself known. Now....we've just gotta think of a name for our new pink friend.

An Unfortunate Loss....

Have you ever saved a most beloved friend from the death grasp of a water filter? I have. More than once. First, it was Doj (dodge) the frog. I think she was dead before being sucked up because her little hind flapper feet were a little bloody. Next, was Turd Fergeson. He loved to lounge to close to the indescribable sucking machine and he was just too tired. So his eye got vacuumed in. Thankfully, after unplugging the filter, Turd swam away.

I wonder if that caused him to go blind? Maybe because he was blind, he couldn't see the flakes of fishy goodness that I was feeding him. And probably because he wasn't eating, he lost all strength and passed away peacefully in the night.

After arriving home last Sunday night, I followed my usual routine of running straight up the stairs to check on the fish. This was a particularly fast run because I had left them over night. To my own horror I saw Turd again sucked into the filter by his eye. All I remember was yelling (maybe screaming) and fighting to get the cord unplugged. All the while in my mind, I'm quietly laughing at my oddly frantic behavior. After all, Turd isn't even my favorite fish. Well....I unplugged the filter and Turd slowly sunk to the bottom of the tank.

It was a short funeral and an even shorter grieving process...but I'm still a little shaken up.

Now...Buddy (my favorite fish) has been a most loyal companion these last 6 months. I just can't motivate him to swim around like a normal fish or to quit hanging out upside-down all the time. I'm afraid the veil of his mortal fish life is thin.

life lesson learned - goldfish are not disposable pets....I have an unhealthy emotional attachment to them

Saturday, April 05, 2008

Good Wishes from the Political Elite

I was recently invited to the White House Press Association Dinner as a representative of Joey's paperless blog. Both the President of the United States and the President of California send their best wishes to Joey in her endeavors to enlighten the world with her insightful observations.

Pres. Arnold says he is working on a Disneyland Inflation Relief Package and will keep us aprised of new developments.

Pres. Bush thanks Joey for her unwavering loyalty and apologized for the rotten Democrats who butchered the tax relief package and gave it to children and poor people. T
hat's right, people who don't even work.

(I would like to note that yes, I always wear a t-shirt and velour pants to White House Press Association Dinners.)

Friday, April 04, 2008

the happiest place on earth, or so they say

The deal is, I went to Disneyland. I don't own a camera and so I have stolen these pictures from Katherine's blog. Our (the trip goers) saving grace, or at least Anne's, was the miracle of winning Year of a Million Dreams Fast Passes. Many things were direct results of being miracle winners:

a - Anne stayed at Disneyland all day!
b - people were jealous of us
c - as we experienced losses and casualties, the fast passes boosted our spirits

I love Disneyland a lot. I ate churr's, cotton candy, mickey mouse shaped pretzels, and a lot of other good stuff for the price of a small child. It was a great trip.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

I've fallen into the hands of technology

I began my blogging days back in March, March 30th, to be exact. I had the innovative idea of blogging on paper. The paper blog was 2-fold:
a. I like to be different from everybody else, and
2. I didn't have a computer handy, nor do I own a computer that works.
I look forward to publishing my paper blog posts on this site in the future. My blogging plans include maintaining both a computer and paper blog.

All I hear about it people starting a their own blog....I want my ideas to spread farther than I can travel with my notebook and the U.S. Postal service is getting pricey. This is why I have finally given into the "computer" thing.

I used to be more into technology but one by one by electronic goods have bit the dust. For example:
digital camera - a slow death ending with a good slam against my car
lap top - I was full of electricity and shocked it so well it no longer can power up or do many other important lap top things
cell phone - drowned during an incredible ride on Splash Mountain
i-pod - took a mean spill when I was running on a tread mill

So as you may see....I've covered a lot of ground but stilll have a long way to go before I'll really be into technology again. I'll keep you posted.