Friday, March 27, 2009

about Husbands and Wives - advice from Marlie

How to get one:
1. go to an adult party
2. if you love someone have your friend find out his name
3. marry them the next day
1. throw an adult party
2. do stuff grown-ups do
3. dance
4. then turn on the music

Why to get one:
1. to get more uncles
2. so Marlie can be a flower girl and get a dress
3. to be with someone
4. to get little kids

"It'll be really good if you plan on that."

What they're good for:
1. frying meat - ribs and burgers mostly
2. to cook while you take care of the kids
3. to build houses if they know how
4. to make kids feel better if he's a doctor
5. to fix the cable if he works for Comcast
6. to plant trees
7. to drive trains

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband:
1. there is no difference
2. a boyfriend will only and always be your friend
3. a husband is a friend you took to your wedding
4. you live together until you fall out of love

To do list:
1. find a husband
2. make sure he has a job
3. make sure he has things to work for
4. make sure he's in love with you
5. have kids as soon as you get married
6. make sure he comes to the wedding place
7. find a temple to get married in
8. dance at home together
9. watch adult movies together
10. get a wedding dress
11. know how to cook and change diapers
12. be able to leave the husband at home while you go to the store
13. be able to find everything you need at the store
14. be nice to daddies

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Joey, what have you been doing lately?

1. I bought a few pairs of children's shoes to celebrate spring!

B. I've been sleeping like a champ. My roommates and I may disagree on this.

3. I resuscitated my plant. It's named both Uncle Paul and Grandpa. The plant is from my uncle's funeral and the pot is from my grandpa's funeral.

4. "I've work my (self) off to the bone" scraping this floor. As have others. Thank you.

5. President Lifferth wrote an advertisement for me to give boys. If you're interested in the class, please inquire.

6. I traded in my little Zoolander phone for a new one. It's hard to use.

7. My ward got a new bishopric. A wife of one of them likes George Strait because of how he works the Wranglers. We have this in common. Wrangler butts drive me nuts too.

8. Tammy fell down the stairs and injured her armpit. I fixed it.

9. I have spent some time reviving my talent of being a Raving Rabbid. It's the best game ever!

10. I colorized my clothes in segments of the types of clothes. I usually keep it like this but it needed a little sprucing up.

11. I made a most delicious 3-layer chocolate cake for my mom's birthday. It was not an architectural disaster as was its predecessors.

Monday, March 09, 2009

Dear Dad,

Thanks for signing up on Facebook.


Joey L. Hansen

Sunday, March 08, 2009

Dear Katherine (fyi, ice, or asap too),

I would like to congratulate you on your upcoming nuptuals. I'd like to see you sometime but figure it wouldn't be fun to cram it into a week like this. I look forward to the day I'll see your face again. I am cooking a totino's pizza right now. I'm not sure what special thing I could do for you this week but just think of if I could think like you, I would do something both creative and thoughtful. Imagine that. In real life, I'll just come to your wedding and stuff. Maybe after you're all married and everything I can still see your face. You're pretty dependable and so I imagine I will. That is all.

Your unreliable, periodically emotional, biggest fan ever,

Joey L. Hansen

Friday, March 06, 2009

Dear Kellie,

Thank you for being possibly the only reader of my blog. I sure appreciate it. I'll tell you a funny story since you stopped by. I was solicited by a stranger at Wal-Mart today.

I was looking at Wii games with my roommate and I was explaining the super great Rayman Rabbids 2 to her. It's a game about naughty rabbids and you get to do naughty things, like spit in drinks and stuff. So, this guy near us turns around and says, "I'm sorry, I was listening in on your conversation. Where did you spit in people's drinks?" After I verbally bashed him for eavesdropping my roommate told him I was explaining a game. He laughed and told us he was listening to us because I was so animated while talking to her.

The guy pulled his business card out of his pocket and told us he is a recruiter for movie extras. He hired all of the extras for all the High School Musical movies and Bedtime Stories. He asked us both to be extras in the upcoming movie, Snowmen (or something). Unfortunately, when he asked how old we were he nearly fell on the floor. I guess the 20 year old soliciter never knew that life still exists at the ripe old age of 25 and 26. He thought we were teenagers.

Why didn't one ever warn me that there may be weirdos at Wal-Mart?

Side note: I may or may not have actually verbally bashed the young fellow.

There you are, Kellie. Thanks for coming by.

Your dearest and most favorite cousin,

Joey L. Hansen

Thursday, March 05, 2009

Dear Stacie,

I really enjoyed having dinner with you tonight. Thanks for sitting by me. I appreciate your solicitations of my secret. I've been thinking about revealing it to you. But I won't. Sorry.

Happy Friday.

Best Regards,

Joey L. Hansen

p.s. Please do not leave any comments that would allow any others to know the nature of my secret. Thank you.