Friday, January 16, 2009

the state that I am in

If I were someone who anyone would listen to, then January is the appropriate time for me to share my State of the.....Me, I guess. This was all brought about when a helpful young chap referred to "the state we are all in." Now, let's just talk about me.

I looked through the outlines of many State of the Union addresses. There I found the topics that, apparently, I should have opinions about.

Thanks you for joining me today for the "State of the....Me" Address. Tonight I will address the state of many things, including healthcare, the fight on tyranny, diplomatic tools, and domestic affairs. Tonight, I hope to garner the support of all who are in the sound of my voice. I will explain my new initiatives and defend my policy.

We face tough economic times. Many worry about debt and savings and the responsibilty of pulling businesses out of deep holes they dug themselves. Fear not. I have a savings account, a dependable vehicle, and a small disposable income.

Many fear that our globe is warming. I don't. I think it's a crock. Maybe it's even a part of a grander scheme of natural selection.

We hear much about healthcare and hear ridiculous, expensive proposals. I don't care. I have insurance. It's really good.

Educators and scientists believe in technology and scientific learning. I say....whatever. I've got a cell phone, lap top, the internet, an i-pod, a television, and a Wii. What more could I need?

Educators say we need more education. I thank you. I went to college. I'm done. Educate somebody who wants it.

The fight on tyranny must go on. Good job getting the head of the tyranny guys. Good luck getting the rest of them.

Domestic affairs look grim. I haven't been on a date for months. Sometimes I slip and talk to the boys I have put "no contact orders" on. I have "date" perfume and yet to use it for a date.

International affairs seem to be more likely. I know people who found "the one" across seas. I will get a passport before 2009 leaves us. Unfortutely, it's usulaly the seas towards America. That turns this back into a domestic affair.

My new initiative is to spread myself thin. Thin between family, friends, Church, and hobbies. I've heard and read it's not wise to spread yourself thin. I'm going to anyway. What else have I got to do?

I will garner the support of my people by having fun and being happy. I will not hide in my room or cry in your basements!

I will defend this to policy to the death! Or until I just don't have it in me to do any more.

Good day!

For more information on the previous broadcast, please write or call the author. She has neither a P.O. Box or an 800 number. She prefers mail in the mailbox.


Kellie said...

Joey Joey! You absolutely kill me! Maybe you should write for a magazine or something...I'd subscribe to ya! :)

Jeremy and Lynsie said...

Joey! You are so dang clever. I love reading your blogs, they crack me up every time.
Thanks for letting me know the state you are in..haha.

Have a good day!